Eyebrows are raised, especially among teachers, when I suggest that 85 percent of everything we have been taught in school will eventually be proven wrong. Now I'm beginning to see what might be a universal law if I were smart enough to come up with a rule that applied to everything.
When I was much younger my first wife objected strenuously to my affliction that caused me to drag home what she considered trivial junk. Things like little arrows that attached to the side of my car and popped up when I wanted to turn left or right. "Why can't you just wind down the window and signal by putting your arm out like other sensible and law-abiding people do?" I didn't think objecting to her objection on that score would be a good move in any divorce action so, like many spouses, I simply shut up. Soon I was pulled over by police and told to "signal by the correct method of extending your arm indicating left or right direction or next time, I'll have to ticket you for this offence." That made for a weekend of chastisement when my wife found that the law officially agreed with her. Try and take that to court.
Stubbornly, I continued to use the turn indicators and shortly thereafter was called into court. Lost there too. The kindly judge realizing that my mere 30 years and my war experience might account for a partially scrambled brain, let me off with a stern warning, "Cars are not fighter planes". Seems the law wasn't keeping up to my ideas of the relationship of an accident to physical survival. Never was a fighter pilot.
Not long afterwards, I brought home a pair of these neat little American-made straps which fastened inside an automobile. In case of a sudden stop or accident they would prevent your head from smashing into or through the windshield. We never thought about getting thrown out of the car in those days, since most cars couldn't go that fast. This project didn't contribute much either to my domestic bliss.
You guessed it. Pulled over again. The cop recognized me, not unusual in those days. Most people weren't nuts enough to drive a car. The current sentiment was "Why do they let people like this get a driver's licence in the first place?"
Another ticket, another court appearance, another warning by an understanding judge (war veterans got treated gently then because in those days because every one assumed you had been shell-shocked. I never saw an artillery shell. I seem to recall a spousal edict right after that incident that neither my wife nor the kids would ever be allowed to ride with me until those "nooses" were removed from the car. My kids loved putting on the straps because they were playing fighter pilots. Why is it only kids and myself are this smart?
Later and single once more, I was free to indulge in my idiosyncrasies. New toys replaced spousal edicts. For 32 years I held out from the threat of marital bondage.
Shortly after my next marriage I found a string of tiny lights to put along the bottom of the car rear window. When you applied the brake, these lights would go on and enhance the warning light system from the car's taillights. Drove around for a few months before police noticed that irregularity.
Back to court. This was also a no-no. Might be confused with a flashing police vehicle or ambulance. Other drivers might think the car was on fire. "July isn't Christmas, young man" (I was 67) was followed with another stern warning and an order to remove lights.
All this study of court proceedings while waiting before my cases came up was giving me the inside track on numerous legal points that I would (and have) put to good use in the last few years. Only then I realized I should be using in court, a principle I had sub-consciously been using for years, when playing on unfair territory? Change the rules. Surely this has been one of my most eventful insights. Won the next three court battles.
In an article by Sidney Perkowitz in the 8 January 2000 issue of the prestigious magazine NEW SCIENTIST, I read that time and technology had advanced objective thinking. New Light Emitting Diodes (LEDs), tiny devices that use almost no electrical power and last for decades, are now being installed on and in the back of new vehicles at bicycle, motorcycle and car factories world-wide.
I think I'll send a copy of this column to my previous wife.
How's my new (13 years) bride taking all this? Great. She says playing with my toys give her time off.
It goes a little further than this. Most wives ask husbands to bring home a quart of milk or a loaf of bread on their way home.
My wife asked me to pick up a new BLUE Apple iBook and take to her while she is on assignment in Spain.
I don't know if I'm winning this time either.
